The Layman on a Eurotrip - Volume 3 - "Italia or Ind-alia?"

Sorry for keeping all you guys waiting for this third volume of the travelogue.

And I still am gonna adhere to freewheeling, self-discretionary writing, and will cover things that are not “travelogical” in this one too. But I know that entertainment value ARE important – as I read through ALL of your feedback, rest assured on that aspect. Enough of the first paragraph BS – here is the third volume.

This one is NOT the Italy travelog. Given how much I missed India lately and the festive season that just ended, I thought I had to post something related to our great country soon, but little did I know that I would get such a lovely thematic fit. On that jubilant note – here I present – “Indalia”

Italy for one can be called Ind-aly or “Indalia” and get away with it – because of the HUGE and sometimes disturbing resemblence to India. Why?

1. There is absolutely NO traffic sense. When I first landed in Milano and crossed the road – there were vehicles rushing from all directions when the signal showed a red. People, like India, just didn’t care, as there was no police guy around. I figured out very quickly that signals are mostly to be used at one’s own peril. But what the hell, I have been in Hyderabad, where one can peacefully cross ANY crowded road anywhere, without waiting for a zebra crossing or for the traffic to reduce – so I coped well with this situation I must say;). Nevertheless – I felt at home in Milano immediately.
2. Trenitalia will give Indian Railways and its ill-maintained trains a run for its money. To the last cent. Even with 24 years of experience with Laloo’s fleet of stinking trains, I could just not enter the Venezia- Bologna toilet (which by the way was the first time I tried the train’s loo in Italy), and my survival instinct prevailed over my sense of urgency (tenesmous? Is that the word Rosenblum taught us?). The unfortunate thing is that some of the other European countries that Trenitalia enters have to live with the unmitigated negligence of the people who run this railway company – and endure its package of stinking toilets.
3. Ofcourse – time adherence will NOT be found in Trenitalia’s resume. I missed a connecting train from Milano in the early morning due to a 45 minute delay by the previous train I took (funny, considering the fact that the train journey in itself lasted only 2 hours) – HUGE for Europe. And yeah there went my 10 euros I paid as reservation for this train from Milano to Paris;(. Unfriendly people at the ticket counters add to travelers woes to ensure that the Trenitalia experience is very close to the Indian Railways experience. Laloo rocks. He is atleast trying to improve our own mammoth with the little money he has. Go on Laloo…you are bound to surpass Trenitalia soon.
4. Continuing on Trenitalia – it sure amuses you with its notices on Smoking – there was one particularly hilarious sign which said something to the effect of “No smoking on this train, even if there are other signs which say on the contrary!”. Trenitalia was the only railway line I saw which threatened a 8 euro hefty;) fine for smokers caught on the train, ofcourse I could see people happily break the rule and get away. Need I say more when I compare it with Indian Railway. Trenitalia also had the dubious distinction of changing platforms some minutes before departure and cancellation of trains.
5. As Indians who are used to blind guys singing some old Christian/ film songs in the metro railway and entertaining us on otherwise boring journeys, we were pleasantly surprised to see people with accordions in the train – who, were doing the same thing – this time playing some famous European pieces. The similarity with India would never end I thought.
6. Italy also saw me do a 2 hour trip in the train’s corridor – this was a “Ticketless train”, so at 4 in the morning there were hazaar people thronging the corridors. I must say this was a very Indian experience, and I enjoyed it thoroughly – even though the safety freak in me popped up and checked my wallet every few minutes, a la Janakaraj in some old 1980s movie. Thankfully, my pocket was not torn!
7. Pissing on the roadside was unseen and unheard of in all the countries (Yes – all six of them) I had seen. And guess what – you can get away with it in Italy and especially in beautiful Venice. What else could unsuspecting travelers/ locals do – if there are NO free public toilets in the city and the vending machine in front of the loo gobbles change?
8. The roadside on any Italian city is full of hawkers from the Indian subcontinent though I suspect the number of Bangladeshis is much more than those from India and Pakistan combined. This partially explains why we were checked for passports more in Italy than in all other countries combined. Liability of Origin – surprisingly pinched us most in the country that resembles India the most. Now someone explain this.
9. Pickpocketing and handbag slashing – as many of you would have known are highest in Italy – and one of my institute mates had her handbag slashed by one of those notorious bike-riding thieves.
10. For those of you who wanted something touristy as a similarity – Venice is Italia’s Allapuzha, what if it is 3 times more scenic. Rome is Italy’s New Delhi – and its cultural capital. Vatican irritated me with its 5 hour queues and hence prompted a comparison with our one Tirumala Tirupati;) Pisa and its funny tower is Italy’s wonder of the world – but nowhere is it as beautiful as the Taj! And for all those who have watched Godfather will swear that Bombay is India’s Sicily. Vada Pav in Bombay becomes Masala Dosa in Chennai and Margerita Pizza in Italy. Not exactly – but just for comparison’s sake.
11. The things that are similar to India but absolutely rock are the roadside pizzerias and gelato shops (Ice-cream parlours for the ignorant). Amazing pizzas and cone ice creams for very affordable (read cheap) rates. What else can the poor tourist ask for? I actually put on some (don’t worry – only a couple) of the many kgs I lost thus far on exchange thanks to the very tasty scoops of ice cream in some of the most exotic flavors. And, there were a few VEGETARIAN pizzas around – so I did stay vegetarian – thankfully!

p.s – The Italy – Cannes travelog is next.